Lyndsay was working hard on the list of chores that Sister Madeline had left her and yet with the exception of working in the shop the rest of the chores gave her lots of time to think whilst her hands did the work. She went over the whole of her time at the Marquis house. It was weird she had only been there a few months but it seemed such a long time ago that she had left. However she knew really it was more that she had returned a different person.
She remembered when she first went how she disliked Lord Marquis after the stories that Sarah had told of his taking advantage of her and then how she had confronted him with his misdemeanours. If only she had held firm in her opinion of him, but like Eve was deceived by the serpent’s honey tongue so she too had been deceived. She had believed what she wanted to believe that he was sorry for what he had done and wanted to make amends and yet looking back he was so two faced. With hindsight she could see the way he treated her even before he had kissed her was inappropriate and clearly at odds with his professions of love for his wife and desire to make his wife happy. He had flirted with her time and time again and she had made excuses and ignored it trying to believe that he was the man he said he was. She had made him up to this noble character in her head and fallen for him but the truth was far from that.
She found working and living along side Sarah at the church a constant reminder of her own folly, Sarah’s child that Lord Marquis did nothing to support was a clear indication of his untrustworthiness and lack of honour. Even if Sarah wasn’t as blameless as Lord Marquis suggested he still had treated her very poorly. Lindsay felt that she was wrong to ever believe Lord Marquis and doubt Sarah who had been a good friend to her.
Although it was a warm spring day Lyndsay shuddered as she considered what might have happened if she hadn’t fled when she had. She was safe here from any more advances but not safe from her recollections and wishes she had done things so differently. As the weeks went by she slowly became more peaceful in herself and slotted back into her old life at the church.
She would spend a few hours a day in prayer and she now realised as unpleasant as the experience had been it had its good points. She had been accused by Lord Marquis himself of finding things black and white and not living in the real world but now she had experienced the real world and realised she would make a better nun because of her experiences. She also realised her place was here in this church and the only husband she would ever need was Jesus, she planned to tell Sister Madeline once she returned and once and for all commit her life to the church. She knew there was so much good she could do for the surrounding populace in her current position and that time would heal her wounds, unlike Sarah who now lived at the church with her illegitimate child and however happy she was being a mum Lindsay was sure this wasn’t how she pictured her life. The whole experience had given her more compassion towards Sarah in her current circumstances, she realised how easily she could have found herself in her place.
All these thoughts ran through her head as Spring drew to a close, she hoped that the coming summer would lessen her feelings of guilt and shame and would allow her to regain her peace.
good updates. I really admire Lydsay’s desire to help and make a difference…. I wonder what she’ll manage to do!
I hope she isn’t deciding to become a nun because she has been traumatized by Lord Marquis. She will end up with regrets if that is the reason.
Awwwwww poor Lyndsay! She blames too much on herself. It’s not an awful thing to want to think well of someone! Lord Marquis was her first crush/love! He is a very charming man, which is how he gets away with it! He was very convincing and she wanted to believe he wasn’t such a bad man! Lyndsay has learnt there are bad and good people out there as well as bad people pretending to be good or that they have changed. I don’t think she should give up on the world completely after this set back! She needs more time in the real world to decide if she wants to be a nun or not. Hindsight is a good thing but it doesn’t help you much when u are in the situation! She shouldn’t beat herself up about what happened! This doubting Sarah isn’t a bad thing as she was trying to get herself a leg up in the world by getting it on with a Lord! Love the pics! Lyndsay looks like she’s about to do a monkey impression in the first pic. Which is why Sarah is telling her off in the second pic! In the third pic Lyndsay is going my monkey impression wasn’t that bad!
xxxxxx